Domestic Violence - Not Just a Man's Problem

Domestic Violence, Even the mention of the words conjures up the larger than life image of some battered, bruised woman on a highway billboard; a day glow orange hot-line number beneath her visage, and some catchy slogan like "love shouldn't hurt."

And no, I am not insensitive to battered women. My heart goes out to any real victim. But the day I see the images of bruised men on those billboards, I'll be less prone to being offended at seeing the images of beaten women being propped up like the starving children you see on your TV at two in the morning; the ones you can feed, clothe and send to Harvard for 12 dollars a month.

The myth is simple and designed for the simple minded. Domestic violence is almost exclusively perpetrated by men against women. Even better, it means brutish thugs pounding the crap out of Mary Poppins for burning the toast. And here and there, that is true. But if you think it defines the problem, or even comes close, you need to take Dr. Phil off your TIVO to-do list and start picking up some real books.

This nonsense didn't spring out of thin air. It was and is the raison d'étre of feminists, in their claim of patriarchal domination and how that extended into the home and family. All their beliefs hinge on the notion that male domination is male dominated. And on the surface it makes sense, especially if you don't think about it. And of course we didn't, so the idea spread like chlamydia in a cat house.

But let us scrutinize it now more info. You deserve a lot more depth than is offered in a sound bite.

I'll start with some research that most would feel was from a reputable source. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, GA. This is the summary of their findings as published in the American Journal of Public Health, May 2007. First, almost 24% of all relationships had some level of violence. Half of those relationships involved just one of the partners being violent. The other half were reciprocally violent. Now, in relationships where violence was perpetrated by just one person, over 70% of that was committed by the woman.

Did you get that? In all relationships in that particular study, more than 7 out of 10 batterers were female.

Let's look even closer at the data as it relates to relationships where both partners are violent. This half is even more interesting than the first half.

The study concluded that reciprocally violent relationships were most likely to result in injuries, particularly to women. They were also a solid predictor of future, repeated violence for women, but not men. In other words, women who engaged in mutual combat with men were much more likely to have a pattern of instigating repeated assaults. Men's violence was much more likely to be isolated, and, contrary to the repeated assertions of feminists, not likely to be repeated. Now let me sum up those conclusions in a clearer form of English. Relationships where both are violent are more likely to result in the woman getting hurt. Those relationships are also marked by women who are much more likely than men to initiate and maintain that violence in the first place.

We have common expression for much of the men's violence in these situations.

It's called hitting back.

I know, there is no excuse for violence. Ever, some would say. But there is legal, and in the belief of many, moral justification for self defense. Either way, it is a judgment call made after, and only after, an attack has been made. In fairness, it has to be pointed out that this one study, for many reasons, including methodology, can't fairly be generalized to the entire population. And one study alone is easy enough to dispute, even from a sound source. So let's look at a hundred more.

Professor John Archer is a psychologist at The University of Central Lancashire and the esteemed head of the Aggression Research Group at the same university. In his analysis of 100 British and American studies he concludes that women are more likely than men to initiate violence in their relationships and are more likely to be aggressive more frequently. He also addresses the myth that women are only violent as a matter of self defense by reporting that 29% of female college students admitted to physically attacking their boyfriends when no threat was perceived.

I know feminists won't be convinced by this, nor will they by several hundred more studies, but let's look at them anyway. Professor Martin S. Fiebert of the California State University Psychology Department conducted an analysis of 249 scholarly investigations, 194 empirical studies and 55 reviews regarding domestic violence. The aggregate sample size in the reviewed studies numbers over 241,700 people.

Fiebert's conclusion? Women are as physically aggressive or more physically aggressive in relationships than men. And if you think that the incidence of female on male violence is mitigated by women suffering more injuries at the hands of men, think again. There are widely conflicting studies on this. Some of them place women at greater risk, but many of them place men. If we examine Fiebert's annotated bibliography which covers an exhaustive amount of studies, there are many times more studies cited that show women more likely to inflict serious harm, including with the use of weapons, than are men.

Anorexia Nervosa: Treatment Options

Anorexia nervosa has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness. If you or a loved one has anorexia nervosa, getting treatment is imperative. Several treatment options are available for those who suffer from anorexia. Which one is right for you? What can you or your family afford financially? I will discuss some treatment options for anorexia nervosa.

1. Books

I am simply proposing that books can be a place to start. Obviously, if you are severely malnourished with a very low bodyweight then you should see a physician. Also, if you are suffering from distressing physical or emotional problems then you should see a doctor. However, if you merely have an inkling that you may have an eating disorder or believe you are presenting thoughts and behaviors that suggest you may have an eating disorder then reading books could be a place to start. Many books are available pertaining to eating disorders. Some are memoirs. Some are workbooks. Some are filled with scientific information. In addition, there are books and workbooks pertaining to self-esteem and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). For instance, you could read Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay or The Anorexia Workbook: How to Accept Yourself, Heal Your Suffering, and Reclaim Your Life by Michelle Heffner 

more info. Books can simply be a starting place if you think you may have anorexia and could be helpful if you are in recovery and are exhibiting signs of a relapse.

2. Individual Therapy

Individual therapy involves meeting with a therapist one-on-one. These sessions could occur once a week or less depending on your needs. Therapist can come from different disciplines. Some have degrees in psychology while some have degrees in social work. Another therapist may be an Advance Registered Nurse Practitioner (ARNP) who has training in the fields of psychiatry and mental health. If a therapist has a history of working with eating disorder patients then they will be better able to assist you than a therapist who hasn't worked with eating disorder patients. A therapist and her patient may talk about feelings and thoughts. They may discuss body image. In addition, the therapist may ask you questions about your family and other relationships. They may weigh you at each session. Also, they may have you take some psychological tests like the MMPI or the Beck Depression Inventory. A therapist can help some individuals understand what is causing their situation and make changes without the need for hospitalization.

3. Dietitian

Some dietitians work in tandem with therapists to help individuals overcome eating disorders. While the therapist supplies emotional support and counseling, the dietitian can help patients by supplying dietary support. Dietitians can explain what type and amount of food one needs to regain health. Some patients find this structure to be helpful. Dietitians can also explain the effects of starvation by detailing the physical and emotional problems that can accompany starvation. Some individuals are able to avoid hospitalization with the help of a therapist and dietitian. Some dietitians specialize in the treatment of eating disorders and will do much more than simply tell you what to eat.

4. Maudsley Method

The Maudsley Method is sometime referred to as the Maudsley Approach or family-based treatment. This approach is used mainly for adolescents. This is an outpatient approach that relies heavily on parental involvement. The goal of this approach is to help adolescents restore weight without hospitalization. Therefore, a long hospital stay does not disrupt the young person's life. The patient is monitored by their parents and a therapist. The patient is slowly given back control of their eating if they continue to restore weight. After a certain weight is reached the focus turns to other therapeutic issues as well. The Maudsley Approach has research to back its effectiveness. However, it is primarily for adolescents that have parents who are willing and able to paly aan active role in their child's recovery.

5. Partial Hospitalization

Some hospitals, clinics, and community mental health centers offer a Partial Hospitalization Program. These are day treatment programs. The patient spends a portion of their day at the facility but still resides home. Thus, one often has the advantage of having their evenings and weekends to themselves, while still being able to receive treatment. Some partial programs offer individual therapy, group therapy, and family therapy. In addition, a patient may receive music therapy and recreational therapy. Moreover, there may be education in cognitive behavioral therapy, problem solving, and nutrition. Eating disorder patients often eat breakfast, lunch, and snacks while at the program and are given nutritional guidelines for evening and weekend dining. Once again, this approach can help some people avoid hospitalization.

6. Inpatient Hospitalization

Inpatient hospitalization usually involves receiving treatment on a locked hospital unit. Often patients who come to inpatient treatment are not medically stable. While being in inpatient, a patient will probably be involved in group therapy, family therapy, recreational therapy, and occupational therapy. Group therapy is beneficial because a patient can receive feedback from the therapist as well as his or her peers. A patient may have their blood drawn often to help assess their state of health. A patient will often meet with a psychiatrist and receive medication if needed. A patient often has little control over what and when they eat because restoration of weight is critical. A patient may be weighed every day or only three times a week depending the facility and their state of health. The positive part of inpatient treatment is that the patient is in a very safe environment with many professionals providing them with care.

7. Residential Treatment

Residential treatment offers more of a home-like environment. This type of treatment helps medically stable patients transition back to their daily life. A patient may be involved in individual therapy, group therapy, family therapy, and nutritional therapy. In addition, they may be involved in art therapy, music therapy, and recreational therapy. For instance, Rogers Memorial Hospital's residential program uses a ropes and challenge course as part of their experiential therapy. In addition, Remuda Ranch in Arizona uses equine therapy as part of its residential program. Arabella House, is a transitional living home for women 16 and older who are recovering from an eating disorder. The residents of Arabella house shop, cook, and do housekeeping together. Residents also become involved in volunteer work, teaching them to look beyond themselves. Mercy Ministries of America operate Christian residential facilities free of charge. Their residential programs offer many of the same things as other residential facilities. However, they also offer biblically based counseling. Residential treatment is a good option for individuals who need some extra support before returning to their daily lives.

What Every Parent Should Know

Throughout most of human history, infectious diseases killed half of all children. With the advancements in technology, medicine and public health practices, we now worry about other things regarding our children.

It has been said that the times we live in have changed dramatically, and that is true. Gone are the days when most people in this country will send their child outside for the day with instructions to be back home by dinner. This is primarily because of the perception that the world is no longer a safe place for children and young people, with predators lurking around every corner. What does a child or young person really need to be protected from, and what strategies are effective? If you are a parent, do you have a realistic view of the dangers that your child will probably face?

Denial is a great pastime for many parents. Denial is a comfortable place to be. It soothes some of the realities of life. However, if you cannot imagine some of the horrific things that can happen to children, you will never be able to protect against them. Volumes have been written on the topic of child safety. At Assault Prevention, we dedicate a significant amount of time looking at statistics and research in an effort to determine what the actual risks are more info. We don't just look for statistical significance. We examine the details and methods behind significant events and consider the possible consequences. We then apply practical solutions that will work in real-life under a variety of conditions.

One caveat of this article is that we chose to focus on risks that will be brought upon your children by perpetrators rather than self-induced dangers such as:

• The average age of the first use of alcohol is age 12.
• The average age of first marijuana use is age 14.

We wanted to find the greatest threats your child is likely to face while growing into adolescence and young adulthood. We identified those threats and present them here. This does not mean the threats presented in this article are inclusive. For example, in one sample study it was determined that almost 25% of youth between birth and the age of 17 will experience a property offense. This is a large, statistically relevant number, but the consequences are not life threatening nor are they usually lifelong.

Additionally, we attempt to put these risks in context. For instance, although any death of a child is horrific, when you read that the 3rd leading cause of death amongst toddlers is homicide, it may leave you with the perception that homicide amongst toddlers is a bigger problem than it actually is. Put into proper context, that "3rd leading cause of death" represents 398 deaths of about 20 million toddlers.

Violent crime is defined as murder, rape & sexual assault, robbery and assault. Violent crime has the greatest potential for injury, death and victimization effects that are far-reaching. Teens and young adults between ages 12 and 19 experience the highest violent crime rates. But what about those kids under the age of twelve? Let's take a look at what the statistics tell us.

There are approximately 310 million people in the United States. Approximately 77 million or about 25% of this population is between the ages of 0 and 19. There are a number of organizations that gather and publish victimization statistics within this age group.

When we began to look at these different organizations, we discovered wide variances with some of the figures being published in reporting categories; like missing children. The explanation for some of the variances has to do with how some incidents are reported and how some statistics are categorized. For instance, most missing children are taken by relatives and recovered. That explanation is not always provided when "missing children" statistics are discussed. The term itself is scary to most parents but the fact is that some kids run away, some are taken within the context of domestic disputes and others just wander off somewhere to play for a while. If I tell you one million kids are reported missing each year with no context, you may be left with the impression that kids are being kidnapped at an alarming rate. Kids are taken each year and some are found dead. The issue of missing children needs to be taken seriously but put into proper context.

After all, if organizations that gather statistics cannot agree, how is a parent supposed to know what to be wary of?

In an attempt to get to the bottom of this, we reviewed at a great number of sources but focused on these.

1. Violence, Abuse, and Crime Exposure in a National Sample of Children and Youth by David Finkelhor, Heather Turner, Richard Ormrod, and Sherry L. Hamby; all PhD's.

• The stated objective: "The objective of this research was to obtain national estimates of exposure to the full spectrum of the childhood violence, abuse, and crime victimizations relevant to both clinical practice and public-policy approaches to the problem."
• The stated method: "The study was based on a cross-sectional national telephone survey that involved a target sample of 4549 children aged 0 to 17 years."

2. The National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS) series, previously called the National Crime Survey (NCS), has been collecting data on personal and household victimization since 1973. An ongoing survey of a nationally representative sample of residential addresses, the NCVS is the primary source of information on the characteristics of criminal victimization and on the number and types of crimes not reported to law enforcement authorities. It provides the largest national forum for victims to describe the impact of crime and characteristics of violent offenders.

https://www.blogger.com/home

I have, and am still, struggling mightily with this particular concern, professionally, personally, and as a parent. My professional roles have varied greatly, as I am or have been: a school psychologist, medical technologist, microbiologist, veteran of the Air Force, school board member, author, parent advocate, doctoral student, museum board member, and the list continues. As a person, I am a mother, wife, sister, daughter, and disabled. You may notice, that I did not mention friend.

The dilemma: Is it appropriate for me, as a person with disabilities, to tell others that if they provide these suggested accommodations, interventions, modifications, social skills training, medical intervention, etc., that a child will magically succeed or be happier, when I know, first hand, there is no truly happy ending for us? This is, and will continue to be, my personal dilemma.

In my professional roles, I advocate for and make appropriate suggestions for accommodations and interventions for people on "my team." I refer to "my team," as "our team," when speaking to parents, educators, and students. When speaking with parents and students on "our team," I further refer to "our team," as the "cool team." We are, after all, a team filled with kind, caring, creative, tenderhearted souls and; therefore, the "cool team," label seems to fit.

The neurotypicals (NT's) are those people, them, the other team, or simply NT's. Ironically, I have had many adults tell me they prefer not to be the one labeled, and would I please just use the child's label instead, i.e., learning disabled, ADD, or 'bad kid,' (as a school counselor informed me just last week.) Some, NOT all NT's simply refuse to believe that I may know what I am talking about. Some, NOT all NT's prefer to blame the child for his or her behaviors, rather than listening to the behaviors and finding the underlying cause.
Still, struggling with the original dilemma; therefore, is the good fight to gain interventions, supports, and accommodations for the students, in a world that is not yet ready to understand or accommodate for us?

As a part of my professional role, specifically as the Response to Intervention Facilitator for our district, I have created a support group for parents of students with disabilities, and any person who wishes to join us more info. My goal in creating the group, is to establish an open communication network between parents and educators, along with education and support in parenting a child(ren) with disabilities. I know from personal experience, the majority of advice I have received about my own children has been, "If he would just apply himself." "If he would try harder." "He is so smart, but his grades just don't reflect it."

Hmm... One might wonder; are they actually grading for knowledge, or for disability?
But I digress...

During my Kindergarten through Second grade years, I was placed in a box at school. I don't mean a figurative "box," I mean a real "stove" box. A hole was cut out in the front to allow me to see the teacher, but it was meant as a preventative measure for my incessant need to chat with my neighbors. Being young and happy, I had a lot to say. I just assumed that everyone else enjoyed my company as much as I did! As I moved into upper elementary, I became more, anxious, shy and self-conscious. My social ineptness became more glaringly apparent, and my seeming inability to make or keep friends, caused me great sadness. We moved a lot, and I experienced five school systems prior to middle school. My extreme shyness and discomfort gave way in high school to a "cheerleader smile," which I used to keep anyone from asking what was wrong. Asperger's Syndrome (AS) girls are excellent at "masking" our difficulties.

I excelled at sports, academics, and leadership activities, but I could never figure out why I felt different. The meltdowns I experienced in response to random over-stimulation (could be a great basketball game or a fight with a boyfriend) became more and more extreme. My hyperactivity and impulsivity gave way to anxiety and depression. During my sophomore year, I began to believe that I was stupid, and started threatening to quit school. Six weeks after graduation, I left for the Air Force. It was during my service in the military, in night school, that I began to realize that I could be a learner. I found enjoyment in the pursuit of education.

I became a single parent at a very young age. Working fulltime during the day as a microbiologist and medical technologist, I completed my undergraduate degree and my graduate degree in School Psychology. When my son started school, he was a happy, smiling, outgoing little boy. The day he stepped into his classroom, the light in his eyes dimmed. His teachers bemoaned his inattentiveness, and seeming inability to focus.

My son was in second grade when he began labeling himself as stupid. We had many afternoon and evenings of the, as I call them, "Why can't you just(s)?" Why can't you just focus? Why can't you just get started? Why can't you just put something on paper? It took me years to understand, if he could ... he would. I started reflecting on my own, "Why can't I just(s)?" Why can't I pay attention? Why can't I just be normal? Why can't I just be happy?

7 Ways You Can Feel Comfortable in a Knitting Group Meeting

Learning how to knit? Bitten by the knitting bug? Now, it's time to meet more people who are hooked on knitting! Fix mistakes in your knitting too. Get the most out of your knitting group meeting. I'll tell you what to expect from a knitting group meeting, and show you 7 ways you can feel comfortable among experienced knitters. Have fun making new friends to share knitting ideas and projects.

Here are the 7 ways you can feel comfortable in a knitting group meeting:

Talk with other knitters, don't stay quiet. Don't just show up and knit your projects! You can do that at home, right? The first time I went to a knitting group, I thought people just sat together and knit in silence. Was I wrong! It's more like a group of friends getting together to chat, and they happen to be knitting. You'll be surprised how the other members in the group want to get to know you. It's their way of making you feel welcome. You'll be doing the same when members come for the first time to your knitting group meeting. Be prepared to answer questions like, "how long have you been knitting," "where do you buy your yarn," "where do you live," and "big plans for the weekend?"
Ask them what they think of LYSs (Local Yarn Shops). If you're a new knitter, get a list of LYSs near you to see and touch the new yarn brands, buy yarn or just go to their day-long sales. Bring the list of your LYSs and ask them what they think of a certain LYS. Members in the group are glad to tell you about their shopping experience at an LYS. You'll hear comments like "the staff was standoffish, the staff is so friendly, too pricy for me, basically same yarn at my LYSs, not worth the trip." This info is useful when you're driving to the LYS to buy yarn. If you've been to an LYS before, please share with them how you were treated, what you bought, or just what you liked about the LYS. For example, the first time I went to a knitting group, 2 of the members worked in an LYS!
Help a new knitter with their project. People go to a knitting group to knit, but also to learn from experienced knitters more info. For example, be kind enough to put your project down for a second, and help another new knitter with their project, like fixing "holes" or extra stitches on a needle. I remember that my first time at a knitting group meeting, I only knew how to cast on and knit in garter stitch. I had finished my scarf but didn't know how to cast off. I asked a member if she could show me how to cast off my scarf, and she kindly put down the hat and the 4-needles, to show me to cast off! Wow, talk about being nice!
Bring a simple knitting project to knit. You're at the meeting to meet knitters, share tips, and knit. If you bring long, complicated patterns that require you to count stitches every row and focus too much, then stay at home to do it. The idea is to join the conversation, and be friendly. I recommend bringing a knitting project like a dishcloth, sock, scarf, or shawl that has 1 or 2 patterns or in garter stitch. For instance, a member in one of the meetings said, "I brought something mindless to knit." It was a long scarf in garter stitch.
Bring your list of written knitting patterns. A member or you might get an idea for knitting project at the meeting. If you're a regular member, a member might even give you yarn as a gift and you would want to knit that moment. Sometimes, you might not be sure of a basic pattern, like a chevron, feather and fan, or horseshoe. You'll be glad someone or you has a list of basic patterns written down in the knitting bag
Bring some of your WIPs (works in projects). Every knitter struggles to finish a project because there's always a new more exciting project to start. Encourage them to finish their WIPs. Don't forget to tell them what's on your needles! Not just to show off, but to get their opinions and tips. For example, one of your WIPS is a lacy scarf in mohair yarn. They will gladly tell you what they think of the yarn you're using, compliment you on the idea, and ask you about it days later until you finish it.
Meet at upcoming knitting events. If you're a new knitter, you don't need to be shy at a LYS event. Why go by yourself to a knitting store sale, event or knitting show? Have fun by going with friends. Planning to go to a knitting event? Ask the members if they're going and meet them there!
After attending a knitting group meeting, you'll want to go to the next one. I hope these 7 ways will help you feel comfortable in a knitting group meeting. Remember to get to know the members in your group, make a simple knitting project, and meet them at a knitting event. Knitting doesn't have be a lonely, sometimes frustrating experience.